Why You Should Never Forget Your Purpose In The Midst of Emotional Chaos
Do you question your purpose in life? Sometimes, life situations bring out the occasion to remember your purpose. Why did I choose an occasion where I was far from home about to speak to a large audience on the subject of conflict? Find out right now…
Day 2 of Outdoor Retailer Begins With A Lot of Questions
On day one of my Outdoor Retailer trip, Hannah and I agreed to go to bed early. We wanted to get started early before our 1:30 event. But because I am accustomed to waking up early I was up at 6 a.m. . But this time there were no kids, no barking dog, and no cat to climb on me to Signal the start of the day.
Instead, all I could think about was all the things that we needed to do for the day. The clients I wanted to see, the old friends in the industry that I’ve known for years, and mentally organizing all of the logistics that it would take for me to set up and get our first seminar going. These dizzying thoughts were the recipe for overwhelm.
Lying in the dark and thinking of all of these things created a sense of burning overwhelm in my abdomen. The burning sensation that built to the panic attack I had in the car yesterday led me to question my motivations for everything I was doing.
All the while, my publicist, Kitty, was sending me text messages of all the people that she was contacting in Denver as well as the work that she was doing locally in San Diego. Thinking about her messages and instructions as well as all the things I needed to do for the day created the perfect conditions for a tailspin.
Discovering My Purpose Through Anxiety
Knowing full well what I was heading into, I did what I teach my clients: walk right into the emotions and explore the dynamics that manifested in the uncontrollable emotional expression. My heart was racing, my hands were sweaty, and I felt like I couldn’t hold down any food while confronted with a powerful hunger. I was a mess and I needed to pull it together to avoid a breakdown.
It was crazy for me because I wasn’t afraid of public speaking. I was overwhelmed by all of the logistics I was responsible for to assure that the event went smoothly. We were largely on our own in logistics for the week. And, I missed my children and realized that I was mourning the loss of that part of their lives where I would be their full time mother.
As we discussed the day before, in order to grow my business and team, I have to get out there and reach as many people as possible. But nobody told me how much actual support one needs to accomplish such a lofty task. If it were just as simple as showing up, it would be a walk in the park. But you’re not just thinking about that, you’re thinking about other things like where to put your banners, are the website links working, is the video and sound going to work, will the person who booked you for the event actually going to support you. All of these questions swirling in my mind in combination with facing the facts that my life is growing and changing led me ask myself a very simple question, “What am I doing this for?”
I wanted to curl up and die. I imagined being a baby soul in the womb of God, regretting the decision to be incarnated onto Earth. I questioned, “Why did I leave the peace and tranquility of almighty God for this?”
At the right moment, Kitty, texted me, “Remember your positive energy & vision to change lives will manifest today. Never forget your purpose.”
It was the magic phrase that burst the emotion and relief inside of me. It was exactly what I needed to know at that moment. I sobbed. Ah, that’s right. I remembered that I agreed to show up on earth to get people out of these exact situations – these situations which prolong themselves and end up being a person’s entire life. Oh yeah – that purpose.
I thought about all of the people who were coming to my workshop today who have felt the exact same way at some point in their careers. Maybe, they were laying in anguish in their beds like me, right in this very moment. I couldn’t let them down, especially when I had the tools and experience to help them.
With that fundamental thought I knew what I had to do. With the emotional resolve now in place, I started to get ready. Hannah woke up and I told her how I felt. She sympathized and shared her own personal concerns with me. We talked each other through and pumped each other up.
Feeling fortunate that I wasn’t alone, I appreciated that I had two strong women to support me and remind me what I was doing and what for.
I then remembered a conversation I had the week before with an intuitive man who said ominously,
It’s going to feel like that you’re out of control, but remember you chose this. And this discomfort you’re going to feel is like going to the gym. No pain, no gain – so to speak. You’re going to be flexing your muscles as you grow.
How appropriate. Talk about discomfort. I wasn’t hoping for a break down, but I did get a break through.
The rest of the day was non-stop. By the end of the day, we decided to go home early and stay in. But there was more excitement and personal revelations to come the next day….