Maintaining Distance

We can’t be friends with everybody, but we try anyway. Sometimes, we get too involved in the lives of others and find that we can get too close for comfort.

Keeping emotional and personal distance is an art and a science. It’s a balancing act between keeping what’s yours yours and what is ours a question of public domain.

What do you mean keep distance?

Keeping distance can mean a variety of things. We can keep emotional distance by not allowing our thoughts and feelings to get involved in the decisions and lives of others. Parents of adult children find themselves in this conundrum. They feel emotionally invested in their children’s lives and feel the need to get involved during unnecessary times.

We can keep physical distance. This can include men and women who choose to maintain platonic physical contact with friends or members  to preserve their marriages or relationships. Some women I know make sure they don’t put themselves in physically compromising positions around men who have been drinking.

We can keep personal distance. This involves keeping elements of your personal life private, such as finances, sex life, family issues, etc. Professionals are faced with this issue everyday as they keep work at work and home at home.

Why keep distance?

Keeping distance can keep us from getting involved in the lives of others in order to maintain emotional and physical security.

We don’t have to know everything about everybody and we don’t need to get involved in their affairs, especially when it doesn’t concern us. Some people feel like they need to share every part of their private lives or know everything about those around them. This can take up a lot of time, mental space, and emotional energy.

There are hidden ramifications of getting involved. People can take advantage, use personal information against us, and gossip about our private lives. Careers, marriages, and friendships have been destroyed as a result of misinformation. Choosing to speak and act with discretion can save us from unnecessary loss.

With whom?

I have seen people maintain distance from friends, acquaintances, and co-workers who seem mentally unstable, aggressive, or belligerent. In order to work, exist, and/or live with such individuals maintaining distance seems to be one of the few ways to creating a peaceful life.

Sometimes, we know people with contrastingly different values, opinions, or beliefs and when discussing get heated, feelings can get hurt and relationships can be damaged. When discussing contrasting views is no longer productive and educational, it’s better to choose to discuss other subjects in order to maintain harmony.

People who don’t respect your relationships, boundaries, time, etc. Some people don’t respect boundaries even if they’re clearly laid out for them. When it comes to these types of people, it’s best to maintain distance in order to save from wasting time and energy.

Use Your Judgement

Just because you keep your emotional and personal distance, doesn’t mean you can’t be a kind and giving person. Knowing how to set personal boundaries is important to maintaining emotional and personal security.

Time and circumstance can be a factor in deciding how close we become to the people that come in and out of our lives. We’re given opportunities to see how others behave when trusted with personal information, when crisis occurs, and when called upon to be a friend.

If you feel yourself grower closer to someone ask yourself why. It doesn’t hurt to understand why you feel close to some and distant from others. When you feel that you’re becoming too close for comfort, pull back gracefully and be sure to respect their boundaries and values.

Do you have any advice for maintaining personal distance? How do you maintain distance between colleagues, friends, and family members?

Photo source: Morenewmath.com

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Leslie, Inc. offers solutions for finding happiness through one-on-one coaching, mindful leadership retreats, and digital products. If you’re ready to GET HAPPY, check out Leslie’s guide packs. For more tips on achieving your state of happiness, sign up for Leslie, Inc’s weekly newsletter.

#careeradvancement #outplacement #career #executivecoaching #executivemanagement #relationshipmanagement

Knowing When To Speak The Truth

Do you ever wonder when speaking the truth is appropriate? How can we decide whether or not what we’re saying is worth saying at all?

I remember hearing somewhere that the need to tell the truth is directly correlated by the listener’s ability to use it. I find this observation to be true in so many ways.

Have you ever been in a bad work situation that demands change, but the person in charge refuses to accept the truth and do anything with it? Have you ever heard from a co-worker, “You’re preaching to the choir?”.

I’ve gotten myself in hot waters by speaking the truth to a crowd who didn’t want to hear it. I remember being ostracized and having a difficult time understanding why the truth wasn’t being well received. Then, one day, my husband Franck, pulled out a nugget of wisdom and said, “Do you think that the truth isn’t obvious to them?”.

Sometimes, the truth of a situation is so glaringly obvious that only a fool couldn’t see it. For a while, I felt I was the bigger fool for speaking the truth. I then reconsidered and decided that speaking the truth may have got somebody upset, but it did get them to face their issues once and for all.

However, there are times when blurting out the truth and calling people out isn’t necessary. I knew a person growing up who seemed to be in a constant state of depression. Caring for this person deeply, I tried to give unsolicited advice and help to this person; even suggesting they get professional help. This friend chose not to take my advice and continued on his path of pain.

There was a point where I realized that he knew he needed help, but didn’t want it. He preferred the life he was living – if fact, he told me he was happier that way. So, I just stopped offering advice and started being his friend while maintaining my distance from his problems. The relationship improved because I let go of my need to help him – even if we both knew he needed help. I realized that the only way I could help him was to live my life and let him lead his, hoping that I could – through my own actions and decisions to be happy – would inspire him to act for himself.

With that said, I find that we tell the truth to reconcile the dissonance within ourselves. Sometimes, we must speak the truth – our version of it, really – , sometimes we must choose to simply acknowledge it. Other times, we must acknowledge the truth, speak it, and take action to address it. At the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves if speaking the truth has value to its listener and if what we have to say is going to prove itself worthy of the breath we use to express it.

This question does not always have an easy answer. In fact, the consequences of what we have said often times do not make themselves known until long after the fact. It does, however, pay off to be more mindful of our words and their actual benefit.

How do you feel about speaking the truth? Do you feel that you must call everything and everybody out? Are you more discreet when you sense dissonance? Share your thoughts here.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Leslie, Inc. offers solutions for finding happiness through one-on-one coaching, mindful leadership retreats, and digital products. If you’re ready to GET HAPPY, check out Leslie’s guide packs. For more tips on achieving your state of happiness, sign up for Leslie, Inc’s weekly newsletter.

#relationshipmanagement #relationships

Meditation of The Day: Paddling Against Change

Do you ever feel that you’re struggling against change, trying your darnedest to keep things the same? Maybe you want to hold on desperately to your job, or hold onto a great period in your life, or never lose the kind of love you’ve found? What happens when we hold on for too long?

A friend of mine said this to me years ago and I wrote it down in my diary. It meant something to me, hopefully it will mean something special to you, too.

Life is change, a great big river. Sometimes, you stare at a tree or a pretty landscape as you float by and you slowly dip your hand into the water to slow your trip. But sometimes you get so focused on the landscape, that you don’t even know you’re paddling with all your strength just to keep still and you forget that down the river, is another gorgeous view, or a wonderful sight to see. So maybe, you’ve been paddling too hard.

Sometimes, we fight against change because we’re scared. We’re scared of loss, we’re scared of never feeling the same way again, or we’re scared of failing. We get so focused on our fears or fixated on a particular issue in our life that we close down and fail to see the new opportunities and happiness that await us.

With that said, life changes without first asking for our permission. It possesses no common courtesy to ask, “Hey, I’m changing, are you ready for that? If not, I’ll just stand right here until you are.”

If we stand still in one place pouting because we stubbornly don’t want to change with reality, then life and all the good and bad things about it simply pass us by; we’re stuck in an emotional and mental mindset. Rather than flowing with the great and small waves of life, we are a rock, aging in loneliness.

Our pride and principles hold us back from change. I never want to be the fool that tells time, life, and change to stop and stand still because I’m simply not ready. I strive to be ready to change, to improve, to go with the flow – to accept who I am and change what I can.

Do you ever feel that you’re paddling too hard to stay the same? Are you afraid of the future or not ready to change?

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Leslie, Inc. offers solutions for finding happiness through one-on-one coaching, mindful leadership retreats, and digital products. If you’re ready to GET HAPPY, check out Leslie’s guide packs. For more tips on achieving your state of happiness, sign up for Leslie, Inc’s weekly newsletter.

#selfimprovement #spirituality