Lying To Hold on
Last night, I dreamed that I was a real estate agent. My customers were a married man and woman. The man was eager to sell the house, but the woman was not. She came up with every excuse not to sell the house. Every conversation with the customer began to feel more and more conflicted. So much so that I could feel, in my abdomen, the stress it was causing me.
But then, out of a sense to break the tension I felt within myself, I became radically honest with the customer. I said that I felt the tension and that I was psychic and could sense that she was being dishonest. I could sense that she did not want to sell the house, but rather wanted me to use my intuition to help her. I said that she would not get that if she was not honest with me.
After that moment, she confessed that she and her husband were unable to have children. They bought a big home in a beautiful, upscale neighborhood so that they could house a growing family. And, because they could not physically birth their own children, the man felt it more efficient to downsize and move on from the dream and be realistic. She, on the other hand, held out hope of pregnancy. To her, selling the house meant giving up on her dream and her hope and that was something she was not willing to do.
I told her that she would have to upgrade it to match the level of the homes that recently sold to families. Their home, while large, was not beautiful and upgraded for a family. The reality was, they went through the motions of buying a large home, but it was outdated and not ready for a family. The children did not come because the house was not ready.
I went back to my broker. He looked like Paul Giamatti (who, curiously enough, acted in the film Big Fat Liar). I expressed the frustration of my having to deal with the client. I felt that I had to play a part and negotiate with the client over red herrings rather than getting to the heart of the issue. I felt that it was draining for me because nobody wants to be honest until they absolutely have to.
Awakening to a Lifetime of Lies
I woke up. I felt a cramp on the left side of my abdomen. In a flash, as I tuned into my body, I saw every time that I was dishonest. Either that I lied, pretended to be ok when I was not, or withheld the truth. I saw a psychic wound that dove deep into my body of every time I lied and perpetuated lies to myself or others. And, how those lies created conflict from within me and between myself and others. I saw how my friends lied, people lied, and I could simultaneously know their conflicting honest thoughts while they lied.
As my husband lay beside me, I whispered that I did not want to lie ever again. I don't mean just saying whatever comes to my mind or whatever limiting beliefs I believed. I meant that I wanted to see truth, hear truth, feel truth, and dwell in truth - that truth would live through me and around me.
I realized that many of us see truthfulness to cramp the moment, to impede progress, or make others uncomfortable. And so, when we see someone living in conflict (knowing the truth, but not doing it) we say or do nothing. We pretend we don't see it. That's called denial.
We hold back the truth or our current state so as to maintain an image. I remembered all the times I sat at a table surrounded by people who were simply not being honest for the sake of "getting along".
How Lies Cause Conflict
Inner conflict is the cause of all disease and disorder. Held within the body, we let that conflict fester until it has no other way to express itself but by physical sickness and or injury. Every healing opportunity is an opportunity to be honest. To let the truth out. But, instead, we nurse the wounds and let the injury fester.
The most healing moments in all of life are moments of honesty. I'm not saying just spewing what angry feeling or guilt or self-pity; that's not honesty. That's confusion. I'm talking about being honest about what you want, how you feel deep within yourself, and what you know to be true despite the evidence of your senses.
Sometimes, we hold back truth for the sake of being polite. Or, we withhold truth because we're playing a role and honesty breaks the mold of that role. We withhold truth because we think it will hurt someone or the relationship.
Cognitively, we know that's not true. We deceive ourselves out of fear that truth is something that causes pain, hurt, and distance. But, in fact, truth creates intimacy, emotional freedom, and greater connection.
How Honesty Is An Act of Love
In order for me to love people better, to serve them better, to help them get what they want and to help myself get what I want, I have to be honest and live an honest life. And, that means really asking myself questions and exploring truth so that it reveals itself to me. We have to know that when we are honest that people are capable of understanding. Honesty is love. Withholding honest is withholding love.
Developing self-understanding takes emotional intelligence and maturity to explore the truth.
We have to ask ourselves some sober questions:
What do I really want?
What do I really need?
What's at the core of this moment or issue?
What is distracting me right now?
What am I giving my power away to?
Where am I being dishonest or withholding honesty?
What is best for me?
Stop Putting On An Act
There are professionals who ask, "How can I make a living when I have to be someone that I'm not?"
When we work we believe we have to put on an act of positivity or professionalism. We pretend that we are sharks, or that we're unaffected, or don't feel any pressure. When we do feel overwhelmed or can't put on an act, we get sick or hide the symptoms of the discord oozing out of us. We quit, self-sabotage, or run amok.
I'm asking you to not act strong or hard anymore for the sake of anyone else. I'm asking you to take a deep breath and be honest for a change. You lose nothing by being honest and sincere in your honesty.
I know I have made mistakes. I know that I have withheld truth because I didn't want to embarrass someone or cause what I perceived was to be drama. But, I know now that when I show up with sincerity that relief is a natural by-product of honest reflection.
Sometimes, an honest reflection is advocating for yourself and saying no to someone else's dishonesty or deception. Sometimes, an honest reflection is choosing to rest.
Sometimes, an honest reflection is making the choice to love yourself when others expect you to be someone you're not.
Honesty is a courageous path.
Honesty is a vulnerable path.
Honesty, at the core of it all, is the path of freedom.
Can you think back to the times that you were dishonest?
Are you willing to forgive yourself and others for dishonesty?
Are you willing to live a path of honesty?
You can, starting today. See where truth leads you.
Pray With Me:
"Dear God in Me, I realize now that I lived my whole life believing that it was incompatible to be completely loving and honest in the world of man. I realize now that I believed that the world would not accept me as I am in the truth of who I am and that I feared rejection. I ask you now to show me the way of an honest life and to recreate my world to reflect this truth. I no longer want to be somebody that I'm not. I am ready to accept who I truly am and to accept others for who they truly are. I am willing to allow truth to guide me and comfort me knowing that truth offers health and well-being. Amen."