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5 Tips on How To Get Out of a Relationship Rut

If you’ve been in a relationship long enough, there are times when you may feel distant or get stuck in the routine of daily life. a relationship rut can be dealt with or they can eventually disintegrate an otherwise great relationship. Before your relationship goes down the tubes, take the initiative with your loved on to make the small changes that can create big results.

1. Admit You’re in a Rut

Admitting your relationship is in a rut is the first step towards improving your relationship. Sit down with yourself and list the reasons why you’ve let your relationship get to its present point. Admit responsibility first before assigning blame to anyone and anything, like the kids, your job, and your responsibilities. Circumstances, children, and our life is a result of our conscious and unconscious decisions. Take a moment to accept responsibility for how things are and admits those reasons honestly.

2. Talk About Your Fears And Feelings

Once you have listed the reasons why you’ve let your relationship get into a rut, sit down with your partner to discuss them. Many times, our relationships get into ruts because of some kind of fear – fear of trying something new, fear of failure, fear of getting outside of our comfort zone are just a few examples. If it’s difficult to communicate your fears without flying off the handle or getting offended (or offending), sit down with a neutral party like a counselor, psychologist, or a coach to help facilitate a healthy conversation.

Unburdening yourself of your fears can open up your dialogue to get down to some real matters of the heart and mind. Being open and vulnerable towards your spouse can put you both on a level playing field when it comes to dealing with your issues together.

3. Don’t Assume Your Partner’s Feelings

It’s easy to assume what our partner is feeling and thinking, but the thing is we never really know what is going on in their mind. Many times, my clients say, “I know he won’t go for that…” or “She won’t understand me.” I always ask them, “Is this really true or are you making an assumption in place of simply searching for the truth?” Working on steering clear of assumptions and opening up a dialogue to ask our parter what they really think about an issue contributing to the relationship rut is an important step towards solving problems together.

4. Create a Vision

Getting caught up in the daily routine of responsibilities of work in family can create a misty veil that stand between us and our goals. Sit down together and come up with small, measurable goals that you can work on together. Whether they are joint goals or individual goals that you help each other accomplish together, establishing a vision where two are creating and focusing their energies will offer a renewed sense of purpose in your relationship.

5. Mix Things Up

Whether your goals involve big, life-changing moves or small, side-steps toward happiness, work together on mixing up your routine each day. It can involve making a new type of meal, going for walks in uncharted areas, trying new hobbies or establishing new routines. Involve something new and different each day and if you can, do something new and special for your partner instead of doing something for yourself.

Have any tips for getting out of a relationship rut? Share them here.


Leslie, Inc. offers solutions for finding happiness through one-on-one coaching, mindful leadership retreats, and digital products. If you’re ready to GET HAPPY, check out Leslie’s guide packs. For more tips on achieving your state of happiness, sign up for Leslie, Inc’s weekly newsletter.

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